i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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