I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Success! We fucked roommates!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
