Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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