i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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