a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
