You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize