she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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