Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
