Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
