The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
