I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
