Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
