he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
