Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize