Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
