So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
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