its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
