Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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