Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
