i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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