hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
