Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
