he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
