yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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