A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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