Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
