We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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