direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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