I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
