Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
