Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
