Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
