Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
