I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
