are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You're a disaster
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