fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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