VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
NoShamevember. You game?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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