so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
