Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
