That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
