you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
