Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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