I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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