im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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