She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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