I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
