i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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