I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
