how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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