Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize