New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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