but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize