Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
