why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
