it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
