I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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