I'm so fucking centered right now
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
