We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
where are you?
Hypothermia
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize