You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
