blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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