her vagina looked like bernie madoff
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
