Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
