please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
