I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize