mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
