you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
