saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
