After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
