i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
