Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
