I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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