I like my sex mixed with concussions.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize