We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
