i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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