I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
