I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just had sex bonerless
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
