Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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