so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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