You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
