im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
