Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
