just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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