you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
