shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
