gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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