no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
