turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
