She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize