I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
