so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
