why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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