she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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