Non-Jews are for practice
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize