someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
