This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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