I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
