i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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