I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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