I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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