omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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