I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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