What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
