we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
