You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
