He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
