It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
