He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
