Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
