they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
and she was petting her beer can
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
