so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
