They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
