I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
