Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
